Unseen, Exhausted, Distracted: Breaking Free from Relationship Cycles
- Jolene Siemens
- Apr 6
- 2 min read
(Go to the bottom to download your own Quick Daily Practice journal prompt)
Have you ever felt caught in a cycle with your loved ones where the same issues keep repeating? These patterns are part of "relational enactments" — and understanding them is the first step toward creating healthier connections.
The Three-Phase Cycle
In my practice, I've observed a common cycle that many people experience in their relationships:
Phase 1: Feeling Unseen
When we feel our partner doesn't truly recognize our needs, we might:
Withdraw from interactions
Become more sensitive to remarks
Mask our true feelings to avoid conflict
This feeling often connects to early experiences and can trigger our body's stress response.
Phase 2: Exhaustion
The constant effort to be seen and validated depletes our energy:
Joy turns to work
Minor frustrations cause emotional outbursts
Resilience diminishes
This isn't a character flaw—it's a natural response to emotional strain.
Phase 3: Distraction Strategies
To cope with the pain of feeling unseen and exhausted, we develop distractions:
Avoiding important conversations
Turning to work, substances, or other escapes
People-pleasing or emotionally shutting down
These strategies provide temporary relief but often deepen disconnection.
Breaking the Cycle: Evidence-Based Approaches
The good news is that relationship patterns can change. At Off the Beaten Path Psychology, we integrate several proven approaches to help you transform these patterns:
EMDR Therapy: Our therapists are specially trained in this powerful approach that helps process past experiences that fuel current relationship patterns, allowing you to respond in new ways.
Mindfulness: We incorporate mindfulness practices into our sessions because research consistently shows it significantly improves relationship satisfaction by helping you respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT): Our couples work is informed by EFT principles to help identify negative interaction patterns, with one of the highest success rates for couples therapy.
Self-Compassion: We guide clients through self-compassion exercises because studies show treating yourself with kindness reduces relationship stress and increases satisfaction.
Attachment-Based Interventions: Understanding your attachment style provides valuable insights into your relationship patterns, which is why attachment theory is a cornerstone of our therapeutic approach.
Quick Daily Practices
Feelings check-in: Set aside 5 minutes daily to share feelings without fixing anything.
Practice vulnerability: Share one specific need using "I" statements.
Develop self-soothing: Find healthy ways to comfort yourself when triggered.
Notice triggers: Identify what activates your feeling of being unseen.
Remember that healing takes time. Each small different choice creates new neural pathways for healthier relationships. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
What small step might you take today to begin shifting your relationship patterns?
