Managing Stress: The Importance of Perspective

Most people have experienced it. That feeling of being pulled in a dozen different directions, saying "yes" when everything in your body is screaming "no," and collapsing into bed at night wondering how to summon the energy to do it all again tomorrow. If you're nodding along, you might be caught in the triple-threat cycle of anxiety, burnout, and people-pleasing that's increasingly common in our always-on culture.

[DOWNLOAD NOW] "Saying NO" Journal Prompts - Inspired by Gabor Maté's questions shared at the EMDR conference and thoughtfully captured by Jolene.

The Perception of Stress: It's Not Just What Happens,

But How We See It

Here's an important insight about stress: it isn't just what happens to us—it's how we interpret what happens to us. Two people can experience the exact same situation and have wildly different responses based on their perception.

Think about it. Your inbox has 100 unread emails. To one person, that's a catastrophe worthy of cancelling lunch plans and working through the weekend. To another, it's just Tuesday, and those emails can wait their turn. Same stimulus, completely different response.

Our brains are wired to categorize threats, and in our modern world, everything from a tight deadline to an awkward social interaction can trigger our ancient fight-or-flight response. But when we learn to recognize that many of these "threats" are actually just our perception, we gain the power to reframe them.

The Vacation Paradox: Why Getting Away Doesn't Always Help

Ever notice how sometimes a person comes back from vacation feeling just as exhausted as when they left? There's a reason for that. While they packed their swimsuit and sunscreen, they also packed their thought patterns, inability to set boundaries, and habit of overanalyzing every interaction.

The environment changed, but they didn't.

Additionally, in genuinely toxic work cultures, the underlying problems remain unchanged during those two weeks away. The brief respite of vacation ends, and the same dysfunctional systems, unreasonable expectations, or problematic colleagues are waiting upon return. In these situations, it's essential to recognize what can and cannot be controlled. This might mean changing personal responses to stressors, renegotiating responsibilities, or ultimately making the difficult decision to leave an unhealthy environment altogether.

Real recovery doesn't come from changing scenery (though that certainly helps); it comes from changing one's relationship with stress and personal limitations. It comes from being willing to disappoint people occasionally rather than consistently disappointing oneself.

From "Balance" to "Harmony": A More Realistic Approach

Many have heard the term "work-life balance," but perhaps a different perspective is needed: work-life harmony.

Balance implies equal weight, perfect equilibrium—an impossible standard that sets people up for failure. Just try balancing on one foot for an extended period. Eventually, you'll wobble. You'll compensate. You'll put your other foot down.

Harmony, on the other hand, acknowledges that different aspects of our lives will naturally ebb and flow. Some weeks, work might require more attention. Other times, family needs will take priority. The key is not perfect division of your time and energy, but rather a sustainable rhythm that honours all parts of your life over time.

Personal harmony recognizes that:

• Not everything deserves equal time

• Your priorities will shift seasonally

• Rest is as productive as work

• Saying no creates space for meaningful yeses

  
  

The Gentle Art of Saying No

For chronic people-pleasers, "no" can feel like a four-letter word. We fear rejection, disappointment, or being perceived as unhelpful. But learning to say no isn't just about self-preservation—it's about honesty in relationships and setting expectations that you can actually meet.

Here are some gentle ways to decline without damaging relationships:

The Honest Approach: "I wish I could help with this, but I know I don't have the bandwidth to give it the attention it deserves right now."

The Alternative Offer: "I can't commit to the whole project, but I could help with the research portion by Friday."

The Gracious Decline: "Thank you so much for thinking of me for this. Unfortunately, my schedule is fully committed right now."

The Boundaries Statement: "I've been working on creating more family time in my evenings, so I need to pass on this opportunity."

The Redirect: "I'm not the best person for this, but have you considered asking Jamie? This is right in their wheelhouse."

Remember that a thoughtful "no" is more respectful than a resentful "yes."

The Path Forward: Sustainable Living

The anxious, burnt-out people-pleaser path is not sustainable. Eventually, something gives—usually health, relationships, or joy. But there is another way.

By reframing the perception of stress, finding harmony rather than balance, and learning the gentle art of saying no, people can create lives that feel supportive rather than demanding. Energy can be preserved for what truly matters rather than dispersed trying to meet everyone else's expectations.

And perhaps most importantly, this approach models for others—especially the next generation—that self-care isn't selfish; it's the foundation upon which all other care is built.