If Your Goal Is to Stop Crying, I’m Not the Therapist for You

Let me say this clearly: If your goal in therapy is to “stop crying,” I’m not the therapist for you.

That’s not because I don’t care about your pain. It’s because I care deeply. And I know that tears are not the problem. Tears are communication. Tears are connection. Tears are truth.

I tell my clients all the time: crying is my superpower.

Not because I’m always crying (though BELIEVE ME, I’ve done my share), but because I honour tears. I trust them. I respect what they represent. And I want my clients to feel safe enough with me to cry if they need to.  Without apology, without shame, and without fear of being “too much.”

The Personal Side: How I Unlearned the Belief That Crying = Weakness

But I want to be honest with you. It took me a long time to understand this.

For years, I worked so hard not to cry. I thought it made me weak. I thought it meant I wasn’t coping well enough, wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t “together” enough. I became so good at suppressing my feelings that I didn’t even realize how much energy I was spending trying not to feel.

It wasn’t until I began to understand my nervous system and how it’s wired for survival, for protection, for connection, that things started to shift. I started to see that my tears weren’t signs of failure. They were signs of life. Of something breaking through. Of something asking to be felt, held, and healed.

A Calgary Psychologist’s Approach to Trauma and Emotional Safety

As a trauma-informed psychologist in Calgary, I work from a place of deep respect for the nervous system and its protective responses. The goal isn’t to shut those responses down. It’s to build capacity. To expand your window of tolerance. To feel more, not less, and to know you’re safe doing so.

Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, said that when someone feels truly heard and understood, they can begin to change. Modern neuroscience now confirms what Rogers knew intuitively:

Empathy regulates the nervous system. Presence heals. Feeling safe with another creates safety within yourself.

Your Nervous System Isn’t Broken

Our nervous systems are incredibly intelligent. They remember what hurt. They try to protect us. And when we’ve spent years being told to "get it together" or "don’t cry" or "calm down," our bodies start to internalize the idea that feelings are dangerous.

In therapy, we do the opposite. When you cry in session and I stay with you. Grounded, calm, and unafraid, it sends a message to your nervous system:

You’re safe now. You don’t have to brace anymore.

That’s healing. 

At Off the Beaten Path, You Don’t Have to Hold It All Together

So no, I won’t hand you a tissue to get you to stop crying. I’ll hand it to you so you can keep crying, if that’s what you need.

I won’t change the subject. I won’t rush you to feel better.

In fact, I might gently say: “You don’t have to hold it in here.”

Because you don’t.

You Get to Be Real. That’s Where Healing Begins.

In my presence, you don’t have to be cheerful, polished, or emotionally “appropriate.” You get to be raw. Tender. Angry. Grieving. Quiet. Loud. Disoriented. Real.

Therapy with Off the Beaten Path isn’t about becoming less emotional. It’s about expanding your capacity to feel it all and still remain connected to yourself. That’s integration, that’s healing, and that’s what trauma-informed therapy is all about.

Looking for a Trauma-Informed Psychologist in Calgary, Airdrie or Cochrane?

You deserve to feel safe to be witnessed, and it would be an honour to walk that path with you.

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At Off the Beaten Path Psychology, we provide counselling and therapy services to individuals, couples, and families in Airdrie, Calgary, and Cochrane, Alberta. Our team supports anxiety, burnout, relationship challenges, and trauma recovery. Contact us today to learn more about how we can support your mental health journey.