Back-to-School Anxiety Series, Part 1: For Parents
- Carlin Olynyk
- Aug 19
- 3 min read
Excitement, curiosity, and worry are surprisingly close relatives. All three tend to show up when something is about to happen and we don’t quite know how it will turn out. They can even feel similar in the body: extra energy, a faster heartbeat, butterflies, or thoughts that seem to jump ahead of us. Sometimes the only thing that separates them is where our attention goes.
Worry asks: “What if something goes wrong?” Curiosity wonders: “I wonder what might happen?” Excitement says: “I can’t wait to find out.”
As backpacks and lunch kits come back out for another school year, parents have an opportunity to help kids make a little more room around the anxious feelings that often accompany the transition. The goal isn’t to convince a worried child that they are actually excited, or to put a positive spin on something that genuinely feels hard (that might actually work against us). Instead we can get curious about the feeling together.
Within the uncomfortable energy of uncertainty, there may also be a little anticipation, interest, or even excitement. A child can be worried about their new classroom and curious about who they’ll sit beside. They can miss the familiarity of summer and look forward to seeing a friend. Making space for more than one feeling can make worry feel less like something that needs to be solved.
When Anxiety Follows Parents Back-to-School, Too
Parents experience uncertainty in much the same way, although our worry often runs quietly in the background while we try to stay one step ahead of our kids. We might rehearse a difficult conversation with a teacher, imagine what could happen at recess, scrutinize a class list, or mentally plan how we’ll respond if the first week doesn’t go well.
These thoughts often come from a caring and protective place, but they can pull us into trying to predict an experience that hasn’t happened yet.
Rather than trying to eliminate this back-to-school anxiety, it can help to notice it and create some distance from it: “Worry is showing up because this matters to me.” From there, we can shift from prediction to presence: “I don’t know exactly how this year will go, but I can stay connected to my child while they figure it out.”
Another approach, borrowed from narrative and CBT therapies, is to treat worry as something that has temporarily joined the family rather than something that defines either the parent or child. You might ask yourself (or your kiddo) “What is Worry predicting right now?” or “What is Worry trying to convince me we won’t be able to handle?” Then instead of debating with it, return the thought by looking for stories that Worry may be leaving out. When has your child entered a new situation and gradually found their footing? When have they asked for help, recovered from a difficult day, made an unexpected friend, or handled something better than either of you expected?
Building a Family Story of Adaptability
Confidence doesn’t necessarily come from believing that everything will go smoothly. Often, it grows from remembering: we have been uncertain before, and we found our way through it.
Parents can help children (and themselves) build this kind of confidence by noticing and sharing stories of adaptability. Maybe your child was nervous before their first swimming lesson but eventually jumped in. Maybe last September felt overwhelming for a week before routines became familiar. Maybe your family has navigated a move, a new activity, a friendship change, or another situation where nobody knew exactly how things would turn out.
Each of these experiences adds another chapter to a family story that says, “We know how to meet things we haven’t figured out yet.” When parents become more aware of these stories, we can offer children something more useful than reassurance that nothing will go wrong. We can remind them that uncertainty is familiar territory - and that they already have evidence that they can move through it.
This blog was written by Carlin Olynyck, Registered Psychologist | Off the Beaten Path Psychology and Wellness | Airdrie, Calgary, and Cochrane, Alberta
At Off the Beaten Path Psychology, we provide counselling and therapy services to individuals, couples, and families in Airdrie, Calgary, and Cochrane, Alberta. Our team supports anxiety, burnout, relationship challenges, and trauma recovery. Contact us today to learn more about how we can support your mental health journey.