How to Talk to Your Kids About What Happened in Tumbler Ridge: A Guide for Families, Educators, and Caregivers
- Kristy McConnell, R. Psych.
- Feb 12
- 9 min read
When we heard about the shooting in Tumbler Ridge, it hit differently. It always does when it happens closer to home, when it involves children, when it shatters the sense of safety a school community should have.
Right now, you might be feeling a mix of things: grief, fear, anger, maybe even numbness. And if you're a parent or educator, you're probably also wondering:
What do I say? How do I help my kids process this? How do I support them without making it worse?
These are the right questions to ask. And the fact that you're here, looking for evidence-based guidance on how to show up for the young people in your life, tells me you're already doing the work.
At Off the Beaten Path Psychology, we believe that healing happens in community. It happens in moments of genuine connection, in spaces where people feel truly safe and valued for who they are. Schools thrive when they're inclusive places where all young people belong. What happened in Tumbler Ridge was a tragedy born of individual violence, not from any group of people. Our collective responsibility now is to rebuild safety and trust while strengthening the values that make our communities genuinely inclusive for everyone.
This guide draws on research-backed practices from the National Association of School Psychologists and principles of trauma-informed care. You'll find practical strategies for talking with children of different ages, concrete next steps, and resources you can use.
First, Take Care of Yourself
Before we talk about supporting others, let's name something important: you're processing this too. Whether you're a parent, teacher, counsellor, or administrator, this event affects you.
The research is clear: children look to adults for cues about how to react. If you're anxious, overwhelmed, or avoiding the topic entirely, they'll pick up on that. This doesn't mean you need to be "fine"—it means you need to be honest about what you're feeling while also modelling that these feelings can be managed.
What that looks like:
Limit your own exposure to repetitive news coverage and social media commentary
Talk with other adults about your feelings and reactions (not in front of children)
Maintain your own routines: sleep, movement, time with people who matter
If you're really struggling, reach out to a counselor or therapist—this models that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness
8 Essential Strategies: How to Show Up Right Now
Before we talk about what to say to different ages, here are the research-backed practices that matter most. These aren't fancy—they're practical, grounded in what actually helps.
1. Reassure them they are safe (and tell them how).
Schools are statistically among the safest places for children. The likelihood that any individual child will experience violence at school is very low. But don't just say "you're safe"—show them what safe looks like. Point to concrete things: locked doors, emergency procedures, trusted adults they can go to. "Mrs. Hansen has training to help in emergencies. Our doors are locked. We practice drills so everyone knows what to do."
2. Validate their feelings and make space for them.
All feelings are valid right now: sadness, anger, fear, confusion, numbness. These are normal responses to abnormal events. Don't dismiss their feelings or try to "fix" them immediately. Let them talk, cry, draw, write. Some kids need to process through words; others need movement, music, art, or play. Watch for cues—sometimes they'll want to talk while you're doing dishes or yard work. Let them know it's okay to feel whatever they're feeling.
3. Keep explanations age-appropriate.
A seven-year-old needs different information than a fifteen-year-old. (We'll get into this in detail below.) The key is matching the complexity of your explanation to what they can actually understand and process.
4. Help them understand this was not their fault, and they're not responsible for fixing it.
Kids often experience irrational guilt or feel they should have prevented something. They may also feel pressure to "do something" to feel less helpless. It's normal. Help them understand that adults are responsible for keeping them safe. While they can participate in creating safer communities, the responsibility for this tragedy rests with the person who committed the violence.
5. Watch for changes in behavior, mood, sleep, and appetite.
Some children won't express concerns verbally. Changes in academic performance, sleep, eating, behavior, social withdrawal, or mood can signal distress. Most kids' symptoms ease with reassurance and time, but some need additional support. Don't hesitate to reach out to a school counselor or mental health professional if you're concerned.
6. Limit media exposure and correct misinformation.
Be intentional about what kids are watching and reading. Repetitive exposure to graphic coverage causes anxiety and confusion. Also be mindful of conversations you have with other adults in front of children—angry, vengeful, or hateful commentary gets absorbed and increases fear. And when rumors start circulating (they will), gently counter them: law enforcement has the most accurate information. Important: counter misconceptions that link mental illness to violence. This isn't accurate. People with mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators.
7. Review safety procedures and identify trusted adults.
Help kids understand the safety measures at school and at home. Equally important: help them identify at least one trusted adult at school they can go to if they feel threatened or unsafe. "If you ever feel scared, you can find Ms. Chen or talk to any teacher you trust."
8. Maintain normal routines and encourage positive action.
Keep to regular schedules—school, meals, sleep, activities they enjoy. Routine is reassuring. Also encourage them to take action in small ways: checking in on a friend, doing random acts of kindness, participating in school anti-violence programs. The ability to take action, even small action, reduces anxiety and builds resilience.
Talking With Different Ages: What to Say and How to Say It
Early Elementary (K–3rd Grade)
What they might be thinking: Is our school safe? Are grown-ups going to protect us? Is something scary going to happen to me?
What to do:
Give brief, simple information balanced with reassurance that their school and home are safe
Emphasize the concrete: "Our school has locked doors," "We practice safety drills," "Adults are trained to help in emergencies"
Let them know what to do if they feel scared: "You can find Mr. Hansen or Ms. Chen or any teacher you trust"
Keep explanations simple and don't offer information they haven't asked for
Watch for changes in behavior, sleep, appetite, or mood—these are often how young kids show they're distressed
Conversation starter: "You might have heard something scary happened at a school far away. It's okay to feel worried or scared when you hear about something like that. Our school is very safe. Here are the things adults do to keep you safe: [be specific]. If you ever feel scared or worried, you can come talk to me or [trusted adult]. I'm always here for you."
Upper Elementary & Early Middle School (4th–7th Grade)
What they might be thinking: Is it really true we're safe? What's actually being done to prevent this? Could something like this happen here?
What to do:
These kids will ask more direct questions, and they deserve more complete answers
Discuss specific safety efforts at school and in your community
Help them separate reality from rumor (social media and peer talk can distort information)
Validate that wanting to understand what happened is normal, but also set boundaries on doom-scrolling and repeated exposure to graphic details
Encourage them to come to you with questions rather than seeking information from peers or unvetted online sources
Conversation starter: "I know you've probably heard about what happened in Tumbler Ridge. It's a really sad and scary thing, and it's normal to have lots of questions. I want you to know that our school takes safety very seriously, and here's what I know about the steps we take… What questions do you have?"
Middle & High School (8th–12th Grade)
What they might be thinking: Why did this happen? What can actually be done to prevent this? What's being done about it? How do I stay safe? Should I be angry?
What to do:
These young people will have strong and varied opinions, and that's okay
They can understand more complex information about causes and prevention efforts
Encourage them to think critically and ask questions
Emphasize that while adults are responsible for keeping them safe, they have a role: following safety protocols, reporting concerns, looking out for peers who are struggling
This is a good age to talk about what they can actually control (their own choices, being a good friend, speaking up when something feels wrong) and what they can't (what happened, other people's actions)
Validate their anger while channeling it toward constructive action
Conversation starter: "This is a tragedy, and people have strong feelings about it. You might be angry, scared, or wondering how something like this can happen. Those feelings are real and valid. What I want you to know is that adults are working on this, and you have a role too—in looking out for each other, in following safety guidelines, in coming to us if you're struggling or if something doesn't feel right."
A Word About Inclusion and Safety
You might be hearing political commentary about this tragedy. There will be people who use what happened to target or blame specific groups of people. We want to be clear about something: A tragedy caused by one person's violence is not an indictment of any community or group.
Safe schools are built on inclusivity. Research consistently shows that young people thrive when they feel genuinely valued and belong: when they see themselves reflected in their school community, when they're safe from bullying and discrimination, when they know they can be authentically themselves.
If there's political fallout in our community, one of the most important things we can all do is actively reinforce this message to the young people in our care: This school (and our community) is a place where everyone belongs. We don't blame groups of people for the actions of individuals. We stand against violence and hatred in all its forms.
Resources to Download and Share
We've included three detailed handouts that complement this guide:
1. "Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Families and Educators" — A comprehensive resource from the National Association of School Psychologists with concrete language you can use and key points to emphasize when talking to kids.
2. "Recommended Books for Children Coping With Loss or Trauma" — An extensive, curated list of books for different ages that can help children process difficult feelings. Reading together is one of the most healing things you can do; it creates closeness, provides language for feelings, and reinforces that you're there.
3. "When Grief/Loss Hits Close to Home: Tips for Caregivers" — This resource focuses on supporting grieving families and addresses the difference between anticipatory grief (when you see it coming) and sudden loss. Many families in Tumbler Ridge and beyond are experiencing both grief and trauma.
What About the Big Questions?
Kids might ask: "Why would someone do this?" "How do we stop this from happening again?" "Should I be afraid?"
Here's what research-backed practice suggests:
On why: Keep it simple and honest. "Experts still work to understand why people do harmful things. We know it usually involves a complicated mix of things—how someone is feeling inside, stressful events, lack of support. It's not because of any one group of people."
On prevention: "Adults—parents, teachers, police, mental health professionals—are working hard on this. We focus on keeping buildings secure, on helping people get support when they're struggling, on teaching young people how to handle anger and conflict safely."
On fear: "It's normal to feel scared, but it's important to know the difference between the possibility that something bad could happen and the probability that it will affect you. While any act of violence is horrible and unacceptable, statistically the chance of a young person being hurt at school is very low. What matters is that we create communities where people feel safe, cared for, and like they belong."
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
If you're a parent and you're struggling with how to support your kids, reach out to your school counselor or a mental health professional. If you're an educator feeling overwhelmed by the emotional weight of this, talk to your colleagues and your administration about support and resources. If you're grieving this tragedy personally, please seek support.
Off the Beaten Path is here. Many of us on our team are former educators and school psychologists. We've lived through those first chaotic days after a crisis hits a school community. We know what it feels like to be in the hallway trying to hold it together while your heart is breaking. We know the weight of trying to support students and families when you're processing it yourself. We specialize in trauma, grief, and attachment: the exact things that matter right now. We work with families, young people, and educators. If you or anyone in your life needs professional support, we're a phone call away. We get it.
One More Thing: This is Hard Work
Supporting young people through tragedy is hard. You're doing it anyway. You're showing up, asking the right questions, looking for guidance. That matters more than you might think.
The research is clear: what helps kids most is consistency, presence, and genuine care. You don't need to have all the answers. You just need to be there, to listen, and to help them understand that while bad things happen, there are also people, like you, who care deeply about their safety and wellbeing.
We'll get through this together.
Questions? Reach out to Off the Beaten Path Psychology & Wellness
This post includes resources developed by the National Association of School Psychologists and reflects current evidence-based practices in trauma psychology, grief support, and child development.